Just Say It
by bolovesAJ
Summary: It's a rainy night at Downton Abbey as Lady Mary prepares to announce her enagagment. Can an unexpected visitor change her plans?


Just Say it

Lady Mary ran her long slender fingers under her neatly curled hair perhaps more often than was necessary. Anna had done as thorough a job as a job as always and there wasn't a strand out of place. She studied her reflection in her dressing room mirror and was overwhelmed with contempt for it. A perfect picture of propriety and social superiority masking the heavy heart and raging nerves of a desperate woman. Tonight was the night she would finally be forced to truly let him go. Longing for a man whom you once spurned and who is now promised to another is not conducive to Lady Mary's sensibilities. This infatuation has gone on quite long enough, Matthew is to marry Lavinia and she must accept the man who is asking her, this time at least. Sir Richard Carlisle may not be all that she dreams of but who gets to realise their dreams anyway. England is at war and such fanciful ideas betray her as an uncouth fool. At least she doesn't have to fear ever being betrayed as a fallen woman thanks to Sir Richard. His media influence has prevented the scandal that haunts her from being exposed. In a way this fact is the underlying catalyst for their imminent engagement. He has something she needs, therefore he gets to name his price and it's her. Well, she's only half a person now anyway so why fight it any longer.

'Pardon me Lady Mary', Anna appeared at the bedroom door startling her from her thoughts. 'Her Ladyship is requesting you join her in the parlour.'

'Thank you Anna, I'll be right down. 'Mary turned to face her. 'Anna, may I ask you something?'

'Of course m'lady.' She smiled as she walked further into the room.

'Do you believe one can ever heal from a broken heart?' Mary had come to rely on the honest wisdom of the sensitive maid.

'Once a heart is truly broken I believe it is so forever', Anna spoke softly. 'Perhaps there are ways to be content, happy even, but I don't believe it's possible to ever love that way again. I believe it would be that way for myself anyway m'lady.' She knew not to ask anything of her employee, Anna is nothing if not appropriate.

'Anna you are wise.' Mary sighed. 'I fear I may agree with you...but life must go on, isn't that what we should all be saying in this time of war. I guess it's time to go into battle.'

As she walked the length of the Abbey's expansive staircase Mary practiced saying the words in her mind. She toyed with a few variations, Papa, Mama, Granny I'm going to marry Sir Richard Carlisle, Sir Richard and I are to be wed, I'm to marry a man I don't love but don't worry I'm sure we will make quite the society couple on the circuit. Mary could see her family taking pre dinner drinks in the parlour but as she sought to join them a gentle tapping sound distracted her, like a fingertip on glass. She wondered whether to investigate the noise herself or summon Carson who has been acting as both footman and butler since Williams absence. Almost immediately she decided to walk in the direction of the tapping, leading her to the front door. The rain had started to fall and the droplets obscured the stained glass even further, but then through a thin silver of clear glass she saw him, his crystal blue eyes piercing through her like daggers. Mathew, he'd come home.

'What are you doing her...we though you were in France.' Mary tried to remain stoic as she guided him in from the cold. 'I must tell Papa you're here.'

'Please don't Mary,' Matthew stood close to her, making her doubt her own mind.

'But he will want to see you are well, they all will...we've been worried.'

'Of course and I shall be glad to see them also, but please Mary can you and I speak first, privately?'

Mary nodded and quietly lead him to an annex in the hall away from interruptions. She fumbled with her hands and decided that the best place for them was under her crossed elbows. She waited for Matthew to speak, his hands shook as he ran one through his hair and straightened his collar with the other.

'Mary I need to tell you something, I'm not quite sure what the proper etiquette is for such matters so you must forgive me if I just come out and say it.'

Mary waited silently, transfixed by his gaze.

'I have ended my engagement with Lavinia. I know it's terribly presumptuous of me to come her and tell you this half hoping for you to care, but here I am none the less, telling you this. I am no longer and engaged man.' Matthews eyes searched Marys for some affirmation of their once promised passion, the spark that had faced one extinguish after another yet hopefully still remained.

'Matthew,' She finally spoke. 'I don't know what to say.'

'Just say you love me.' He grabbed both of her hands in his and held them to his chest. 'You know I've loved you from the first moment I saw you and I know you feel something for me too. If it's only something of what I feel for you it's enough, just tell me.'

Mary fought for the right words to say. She knew what she wanted to say, she loved him too of course she did, Matthew is the only man she will ever want. But it's not that simple now, tonight is the night she must tell her family of her engagement before news reaches them from London. Sir Richard hasn't been shy in informing anyone who cared to listen that he was about to marry into the landed gentry.

Just as Mary opened her mouth to speak, her sister Edith filled the void of silence.

'Cousin Matthew, what a pleasant surprise! Really Mary must you hide our quest away in a dark corner? As Edith approached them Mary retrieved her hands from Matthew's grip.

'Matthew has taken some leave, haven't you.' Mary's voice was weak from her lightheaded state.

'Oh how wonderful,' Edith beamed. 'No doubt you've come to congratulate Mary on her upcoming engagement?'

As Mary's stomach fell like lead she wasn't ignorant to the wave of pain that washed over her beloved's face. He turned his attention from Edith back to her older sister.

'Forgive me,' he whispered. 'I fear I have intruded upon you celebrations, please excuse me.' With that he braved the darkening night, leaving the sisters alone.

'Oh Edith what have you done.'

'You hardly thought it was a secret Mary, the whole of London is talking about it. I have connections in the capital too you know.' Edith snapped.

'Edith, however much you despise me what has Matthew done to deserve such cruelty?

'Well I don't know Mary, he seems to like it, I mean here he is back for more and surely no one treats him more cruel than you.'

'Dont worry Edith, it looks like you will finally beat me at something.' Mary turned he back on her sister and hurried through the front door.

The rain pelted off her face and made it hard for her to see. As the gravel crunched beneath her feet she finally made out a figure in the dark.

'Matthew!' She cried. 'Matthew, please wait.'

'Mary...what on earth are you doing, you'll catch your death.' Matthew instinctively removed his jacket, placing it round her shoulders.

'Does you father know you're out here? we best get you back inside, come on.'

'No please,' Mary begged. 'Just let me say it.'

'Say what?' Matthew daren't hope he was about to hear those words from her lips, finally.

'I do...feel something for you. I do...love you.'

Matthew smiled and once again reached for her hands.

'But it's true, I have accepted Sir Richard. I had my reasons and you were to marry Lavinia, it wasn't because I didn't want you because I did, I do. But it's too late...I'm too late. As she spoke Mary hung her head almost in an act of solemn repentance, like a sinner awaiting absolution.

Matthew's hand gently raised her chin while brushing a wet strand of hair from her cheek.

'Mary, don't you understand.' He spoke loudly as the rain threatened to mask her voice, 'You can never be too late. 'His mouth found hers and for that moment at least they were united.


End file.
